i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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