Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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