I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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