Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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