I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
