It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
