Swine flu. Run for my life!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
