some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
