Screwed.edu
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
50% drunk capacity currently
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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