No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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