All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
