OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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