You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
