i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
