So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
