I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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