omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
