i just had sex bonerless
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
