I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
