she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
