i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
