If i come over, it means nothing
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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