If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
