You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
