I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
