And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
