i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
