Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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