Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
