He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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