debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
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Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
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I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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