My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
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I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
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I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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