I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
