Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Enjoy the penises
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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