I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
