I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
