Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
