Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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