fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
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You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
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I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize