Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
