eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
