She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i drank out of a bidet.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
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