also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
