I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
