Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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