im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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