He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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