1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
