when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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