Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
