I am in a vortex of obligation.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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