my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
And then he peed in my hair
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
