I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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