for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
