My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
