Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
