Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
