Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
