Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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