In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I am mentally ready for anal.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
