He disabled his match.com account in front of me
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He passed out mid-signature
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
